Where do you get such a key? No idea but I just have this nagging feeling like I've SEEN one somewhere. Where have I seen that key???

Your particular lampholder ("tombstone") has a rotating plastic guard. It's designed to rotate with the tube, but somehow it has found itself in the theoretically impossible position where it is horizontal while the bulb is removed.

I think the black ring inside the bulb socket is a kind of "door". It's unusual. But I think it rotates with the blub, and currently it is incorrectly rotated to the "closed" position.

I was told elsewhere to try to spin the black part. I tried manually spinning the black part using my fingernails. It's not budging, either counter clockwise or clockwise. Applied a decent amount of pressure, even trying stuff like pushing down slightly like it's a child proof cap, and still got nothing with it turning. Do I need an appreciable amount of force, or should it be easier? Like would I need pliers to grab a good hold of it?

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Do I just have to apply enough pressure and shove the two prongs of the light bulb in between the space of the thin gold filament and center white portion of the fixture? The 2 prongs I'm certain should be parallel with the floor. I'm nervous that with the pressure I'm currently applying, it's not right and I'm going to force break something. When I do lightly touch it this way, the light comes on in the bulb briefly. There is no "insert and twist" mechanism I can see here that every YouTube video mentions.

YouTube videos say to install it with the bulb metal prongs perpendicular to the floor, and then you kind of "rotate" it in place. I don't think this is how my install works for some reason. I can't figure it out and can't seem to get it to click in place.

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EDIT: I think I may have damaged the fixture somewhat. There's another bulb that I removed, correctly, by twisting it and taking it out vs. how I took down the original bulb. The way it aligned made installing a new bulb go in the way it should with an easy insertion and rotation. So I guess I'll see if somehow to fix the actual fixture itself.

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If either of those is too difficult, or if step 1 fails, you could take the fixture apart and look for replacement parts but my suggestion would be to replace it entirely with an LED fixture.

That's not going to happen, you need a special "key" for that. It needs to be round, have two pins 1/2” apart sticking out of its ends, the pins are 1/4” long. Insert that key horizontally, turn 90 degrees and Bob's your uncle.

The "tombstone" (socket for the bulb) has partly come away from the fixture, in the top left corner. Depending on how easily the fixture can be disassembled you may be able to put it back.