Elizabeth Perry is a Coach Community Manager at BetterUp. She uses strategic engagement strategies to cultivate a learning community across a global network of Coaches through in-person and virtual experiences, technology-enabled platforms, and strategic coaching industry partnerships. With over 3 years of coaching experience and a certification in transformative leadership and life coaching from Sofia University, Elizabeth leverages transpersonal psychology expertise to help coaches and clients gain awareness of their behavioral and thought patterns, discover their purpose and passions, and elevate their potential. She is a lifelong student of psychology, personal growth, and human potential as well as an ICF-certified ACC transpersonal life and leadership Coach.

It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others.

If you'd like to learn how to spot toxic behavior and communicate better with others in the workplace and at home, try BetterUp's coaching.

A recent article in the Sloane Management Review suggests that toxic work cultures are the driving force behind the Great Resignation. And toxic cultures start with individuals behaving in toxic ways.

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Have you ever spent time with someone who seemed friendly but left you feeling insecure and emotionally exhausted after you got home? If so, you may have encountered someone who has toxic personality traits.

If you saw someone throwing a chair through a window, you might think, "They have the toxic trait of anger." But not all toxic personality traits manifest so obviously.

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For example, "If my colleague makes a passive-aggressive comment about my appearance, I will excuse myself and speak with them later."

It refers to habits, behaviors, and ongoing actions that harm others. Many toxic traits (like self-centeredness) can be subtle, and we want to see the best in people. Naturally, identifying toxic people in your life can be tricky.

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But toxic individuals are more common than you may think. According to the journal Violence and Victims, 48.4% of women and 48.8% of men have experienced psychological aggression from a partner. Plus, according to a recent Korn Ferry study, 35% of employees say that their boss is their single biggest source of stress at work.

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If someone is unaware their actions hurt others, try addressing the problem with them. If they refuse to listen, you may need to set boundaries or stop spending time with them.

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Unfortunately, no one (not even therapists or life coaches) can fix someone else's toxic traits if the person with the toxic traits doesn't want to change.

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Many people's toxic traits come out in subtle ways. You may not recognize them straight away when you encounter toxic behaviors in a relationship. Let's discuss 30 toxic traits and behaviors and their warning signs.

If someone only views themselves as a victim of their own life, they likely haven't accepted responsibility for their behavior. And they aren't ready to change it.

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Most people encounter someone with toxic traits or toxic behaviors at some point. Here are five red flags you're in a toxic situation you may need to address.

Someone with toxic traits may avoid responsibility for their behavior with an apology that minimizes their actions. For example, they may say, "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry, but..."

As we mentioned, many people don't realize they have toxic traits. So, telling someone that their actions have hurt your emotional well-being may help them understand they need to change.

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A bossy, rude, or rigid manager may push their staff to produce excellent work. But these toxic traits still negatively impact others by creating an unhealthy and toxic work environment. Many people with toxic leadership traits excuse their behavior by calling themselves "assertive" or "tough.” But you can be assertive and tough without harming others.

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Not all behaviors are quite so dramatic. Let's explore toxic traits you should watch out for in relationships — at work, home, or anyone else.

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When discussing traits, we need to draw a line between a "trait" and "behavior." Traits are often innate. Behaviors, on the other hand, are actions we have control over. For example, a person’s level of “openness” is a trait. But "lying" is a behavior.

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Many people also develop toxic traits as a coping mechanism. For example, many dishonest people lie about their lives to protect themselves from other people's judgment.

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"When you do or say (action), I feel (emotion). I understand that you don't intend to make me feel (emotion), but I would like it if you tried to stop doing (action)."

Watch out for signs you're JADE-ing their behavior. When you JADE, you "justify," "argue," defend," or "explain" someone else's behavior to minimize its impact.

If someone uses one of these apologies on you, you can call it out. People aren't always aware they aren't practicing empathy or compassion.

Once you understand what toxic traits look like, it'll be easier to spot them in your professional and personal relationships.

It's easy to assume that negative behavior patterns are permanent. But this isn't true. Our personalities are fluid and change as we learn, grow, and experience new things.

Don't. Other people's toxic traits reflect their struggles and insecurities, not you. You can only control your own actions, self-esteem, and mental fitness.

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Someone with toxic traits may cover up their behavior by lying to you or gaslighting you. Gaslighting is a type of manipulation where the gaslighter tries to make you question your version of events.

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Some negative behaviors serve people well in their personal or professional lives. But this doesn't make the toxic trait positive.

You'll know someone is trying to gaslight you if they make you feel unsure of your feelings or insecure in your knowledge. However, there is a difference between someone disagreeing with you and gaslighting you.

When people talk about toxic traits, they aren’t usually talking about traits of a person — the term instead refers to a person’s behavior. Behaviors can be characterized as “healthy” or “unhealthy.” Unhealthy, or toxic, behaviors include:

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If someone at work is behaving poorly, you may also need to report their toxic behavior to superiors or Human Resources.

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Someone with toxic traits may perceive themselves as more important than others. They may place their desires over other people's need for safety and well-being.

When someone else has toxic traits, they can hurt you. But remember: someone else's behavior isn't a reflection of you, and you aren't responsible for fixing it. People with toxic personality traits are the only ones who can take responsibility for their actions and change.

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Second, our behaviors don't define us as people. This is true whether the behavior is negative or positive. For example, a person isn’t negative or rigid. Instead, a person may have the toxic trait of negativity or rigidity. We can change our toxic traits through introspection and reflection. We can also change them by working on our mental health.

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So there's good reason to pay attention to toxic behavior and learn to spot the traits before they send you or your teammates looking for a new job. Toxic traits are not actually traits at all.

If someone treats you poorly, reacting with anger, aggression, or annoyance may worsen the situation. Instead, start by taking deep breaths. Then, leave the situation if possible, and practice self-care.

A personality trait is a characteristic that influences how a person thinks, feels, and acts. It is a part of who they are. Personality traits make up a person. For example, a person’s level of introversion or extroversion is a trait.

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Depending on the behavior, you can also use grey-rocking. When you grey-rock someone, you act dull or emotionally unresponsive to make it harder for the person to engage with you.

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Setting boundaries with someone can reduce the impact of their behavior on you. Each boundary should have a consequence.

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Someone with toxic traits may have a fixed mindset about their behavior. A fixed mindset says, "I can't change.” In contrast, a growth mindset says, "I can change my behavior with hard work and a strong sense of self."

First, some behaviors can manifest positively in certain scenarios. But that doesn't make them positive. For example, a bossy person may produce high-quality work that impresses their colleagues and bosses. But bossiness can cause the person to feel stressed and ruin otherwise healthy relationships.

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You may have toxic traits that you don’t know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly. You may not realize you see things as good or bad unless you experience something that forces you to reflect on your mindset.

Someone's toxic traits can harm the social well-being of your friend group, family unit, or team. Naturally, you may need to seek support from others. This way, you can work together to approach the person about their behavior and develop a better relationship.

While someone's toxic or negative traits may harm others, they don't make someone an inherently bad person with evil intentions. We are all learning and growing as we experience new things. You can be a good person with toxic traits. In fact, everyone displays negative behavior from time to time.

Someone with toxic traits may not realize or care that their actions negatively impact others if they lack emotional intelligence.